Suspended

 She tasted salt and  felt weightless. She could hear the ocean. Two figures stood  in the distance on the shoreline getting smaller by the minute. Her mom and the dog were sitting in the sand on the beach watching her drift away. Her mom tried to call out to her but her voice seemed lost in the waves. The tide was rolling out.

Before the girl knew it she awoke to the smell and noise of morning traffic at rush hour. She slowly got out of bed and caught a glimpse of herself  in the mirror. She did not recognize the person staring back at her. What happened to those carefree days of swimming in the lake?  She thought. She gazed sadly at a  worn family portrait of herself as a child. " It feels like yesterday" She thought, as she brushed the tears away from her eyes. " How time fly's".

She  thought of the green faerie all day as the nice ladies served her toast and hard boiled eggs in the cafeteria. She smiled to herself. It seemed, that as time passed she had forgotten all about her old friends in the forest when her dog died. Aside from her childhood, her growing years seemed a blur for she could hardly remember much these days, but she remembered that day well.

She was 15 years old and it was three days before her birthday.  It was a rainy day much like this one, and she awoke to her mother sobbing in the stairwell. It was then that she knew. "he bled in the operating room" was all her mother said. The girl felt a bitter taste in her mouth. She tried to find the words to say something, anything as hot tears rolled down her cheeks.  She felt a strange urge to comfort her mother the same way her mother did for her when she skinned her knees or was sick with chicken pox. She wanted to tell her everything was going to be alright. The Girl stared at her mother for what seemed like a very long time. She counted  the lines on her mothers forehead, like rings on the surface of a tree . "Worry Lines" her had mother called them. She sensed the vulnerability in her mothers eyes.Kind, yet,  tired. A surge of anger seemed to well up from the pit of her stomach. She felt as if she were to explode. She ran outside into the pouring rain, cursing at the sky and kicking the earth beneath her. She ran until she found herself in the forest. She pressed her fingers along the wet  roots of the trees and began to sob, her tears soaking the earth as rain beat down on her.
.  

A girl and her dog....

There once was a  girl who grew up in a loving family. She spent Christmases making gingerbread men in the warm light of her mothers kitchen. She would look out  into the ice encrusted world with wonder, her eyes marveling at  the icicles glistening in the dying winter sun. Her days were spent mostly alone--but not really. Winters were filled with sledding with her dog  with a canister of cookies and hot chocolate. Summers were filled with fishing and long hikes in the deep woods near her home. She loved lying in the sun at the beach, even tough she got sun burnt swimming with the pin fish in the cool water. However, it was the forest where she felt she truly belonged, along with her dog and the ancient trees and spirits that lived there.

 One day an odd thing happened, the girl was walking with her dog  along the forest path when she was stopped by an odd looking mushroom that grew right in the middle of her path. It  seemed bigger then the rest and its colors seemed to pulsate against the mid-summer sun. The dog sniffed it curiously but stopped when she heard a rustling sound coming from it;s base. To both the girl and dog's astonishment, a tiny green light emerged from the mushroom and rose from the ground, until it was staring directly into the girls eyes.
" I came to warn you "  said a voice from the small entity,  " I came to warn you that one day this will all change and you will grow up".  " What does it mean to grow up?" The girl asked in an innocent voice, for her days seemed long and full of contentment. The green fairy laughed, it rang high and shrill and seemed to echo to the tall ancient trees, who stood in silence listening.  " It means little girl, that one day you will wake up and everything you once loved  will change. Time will speed up and your shoes will no longer fit your feet". It paused for a moment. "Oh and your teeth will fall out".  The girl cringed at this and grew angry. " I'm not sure why fairies like you have to be so mean and make up horrible story's like that" she replied. And with that, she left the woods trail for her home as dusk drew near, the smell of wood smoke burning her lungs.

Soon after, as the sun set and the blue moon awoke from the mountains, the girl, lulled from a warm meal and  heat of the friendly fire, forgot all about the incident that had occurred in the forest and drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

Then a peculiar thing happened.

 Although no one could predict when the exact timing was, the date or even the year, the girl did in fact,  grow up.

It all started when she bit into an apple one morning and her front tooth came out. Although it felt nice to get money from the tooth fairy  instead of a warning, time like a curse, seemed to have sped up after the incident.
Summer days were spent doing more chores and less daydreaming and winter nights were filled with homework. Crayons were replaced with calculators as " logic" and  "practical thinking"  she was told, was supposed to prepare her for the "real world".  "If this is what the real world is like" she thought sadly, "Then I want the old one back". But as hard as she tried she was no match for father time, and as time drew on, much of her old world became a distant memory.

Broken Tart

You didnt let me know you hated me in so many words. It mostly came in the form of actions. Your broken tart was left on the side of the pavement for all too see. Shameless, just like the middle finger pointed in my direction when all I was trying to do was offer compassion. So much pain in your body a vast dark void of hurt.

Hello intoxication. A welcomed celebration to indulge in deviations of the self.
 The minds sense of permanency distills a sense of urgency to indulge in the emergentcy  of you.

Edmonton

Edmonton is cold. I wake up in stark blackness because it gets dark here earlier with each passing day, a sign that winter is rearing  its ugly head against my window.Outside there is garbage blowing in the chilling wind, the dog presses onward, dragging me into the mud as he feverishly takes in the smells of the city. Tonight I will be quite when you get home and not want to engage in conversation. It is though I live in a twilight dream. " What am I doing here" the question repeats itself over and over again in my mind as I lay on the couch watching horror movies and eventually, sleep in bed sheets that aren't mine. Tomorrow she will come back from the "looney bin" and I will be the one who will have to answer the door while your at work breathing in paint fumes. One breath in. One breath out.

They say everything takes work. I never realized how sobering it would be to engage in a reciprocal relationship with another person. There are still so many nuances, so many pitfalls that are necessary to fall in since I fell for you that they don't seem real anymore. Visiting your family was sobering. I was met by the stark realization that if I was to be with you it would mean accepting your family and  accepting you with all of your pitfalls that made me fall for you in the first place. Lately I feel so irritated by everything and everyone that I feel  lost. I see you on the couch watching zombie movies and smoking pot. You sleep lots because of your arm. We fight over your family. You are so loyal to them, that I feel intimidated by even approaching the subject. It makes me feel guilty. That is all.

A Wolf In Fish Nets

I came in through the front entrance to get my laundry. You where in the steamy cave  waiting for me when I came in, and proceeded to slam the door in my face. I resisted, pushing against the door and to my surprise, overpowering you as I said firmly "do not slam the door in my face"  under hot breath. It took everything in that moment to control myself when you fired back that you needed space, even though I had been gone for over three days. So I gave you your space and let you have your temper tantrum as usual.

You emerged from the cave dressed in fish nets and boots, trying desperately to intimidate me with your yelling  and your insults. I stood by and folded my clothes while you yelled all the while, your voice hot with anger but heavy with hurt. Your fishnets did not fool me-nor did your eyes which glinted with a desperate wildness. Like a wild animal cornered and helpless you ranted on and on. I got my clothes and proceeded to leave when you met my advance with a threat and a warning. "You need to call the police or this could get violent" was the message. I stood there like a stone while you pathetically tried to push me out of my own apartment." Take your hands off me" I replied with a steely voice. They say that wolves are socially intelligent creatures, in packs they rely on each other and have a social hierarchy, one with an underlined goal of domination.  Alone however, shunned by the rest of the pack wolves will eat human flesh. I ran into your territory and I pissed in your cave. Your reign is over- I've made my mark.  

I think of the dashboard of your car. On the Odometer there is a fortune cookie slogan that says "things could be better but its good enough for now" and I think of the human race and how complacent we all are and yet demanding at the same time. Acceptance is different from surrender. Resilience is different from defeat. The world is ending before us and with that a certain sort of acceptance is necessary. Are the FEMA camps ready?Of course they are. We must first rise up from our ashes like the phoenix foretells and accept this before we can act. But somewhere along the time line of events society intentionally got it backwards. Somewhere between  "social activist" and "pacifist" we got it wrong. 

We acted before we accepted and we did so impulsively. Hence we became impulsive people. We have become impulsive consumers, impulsive friends, lovers, partners you name it. The pretense is inevitable. In many ways I believe that although impulsiveness  has been invented  by the authorities  to destroy our spirit, it has now become the key to our survival as a species both on a spiritual as well as primitive basis. The heartbeat of the earth has now sped up and we are picking up on her frenzied chaotic energy. Impulsiveness will become more pronounced as the quickening quickens. Hopefully our of our impulsive induced stupor  will arise a sliver of consciousness that will manifest into awareness on our karmic journey of self actualization. 

In the early morning I awoke to look out of my bedroom window at the deep blue atmosphere
turning pale against the mid morning sky. I look at the depths of ice encrusted mountain peaks and I think 
of your eyes. How blue the are. Blue as glaciers.

Your eyes told stories and spoke of a wildness that existed  long ago, a fire that once burned bright
against the snow of youth-full adventure. I miss the empty promises in my mind, that same fire holding
 both of us together united in flame, but all fires eventually burn out and people around them get burned.
Armour was forged from that same fire- you were my Joan of Arc and your valiance was your sacrifice . 

I could not wield your armor; only fire could do that. It was too thick and it burned to the touch. I soon discovered
it was fire who was your lover. When you gazed at the sky that satisfaction in your eyes was billion year old fire,
which howled at the moon since the dawn of time; when steely molten rock was forged from the earth....

Easter Dinner

Easter Dinner

It was on the sidewalk of Baker st. that I ran into someone that I dreaded speaking too. Actually, I was sitting pressed against the leather seats of Sidewinders Coffee shop
having my usual double when I looked straight into her eyes and she mine. Now it is a common fact that in a city surrounded by mountains, people naturally tend to either cocoon themselves-or go nuts.
 
 In that sense, it is not the least bit surprising that Nelson is a sort of refuge for strays, draft dodgers  and eccentrics. So, when crossing upon someone you know, while it is common chivalry to say hello and smile with that fake generic smile we use so often in public, its a hell of a lot easier to just pretend that you don't remember that person or smile vacantly off in the distance, eyes glazed over like some delicious, fattening doughnut- until people get the drift.

  For me especially,  this guilty pleasure  is even more of an asset, as I see the same old homeless bums I work with out on the streets wailing pathetically with their guitars, or spiting spiteful comments to themselves or each other on how "fucked up" our society is. I walk past them everyday and turn a blind eye to it all. Its just too damn intimate here sometimes. Anyways, I recognized my friend Jenny right away. She worked at the store I used to work at where I stocked generic beans, wore a generic uniform and spoke generic words to a generic "fucked up" society. She looked at me, I looked at her and we pretended not to "see" each other. But shortly after, during my sleep deprived saunter down baker street, while I was trying to absorb whatever dying rays of sunshine I could- we met again and were forced to engage in awkward, yet endearing conversation. Jenny keeps inviting me out for dinner and I keep saying  I'll make it out for dinner someday-when we both know the inevitability of the situation. Then, its the usual so "how are things going at the store" small talk that keeps playing itself out  every time we meet like a painful broken record.

 And still its goes on and on like groundhog day. I sit, drink my coffee and either pretend I don't know people I actually know or engage in safe conversation- because no one wants to hear the truth anymore. And I pass the same bums on the same street with that same vacant stare-because its easier that way.They will play the same songs that appeal to the same types of rich yuppies wearing  their shiny 400 dollar  "North face" Jackets who will, out of a moment of nostalgic sympathy , dish out 2 bucks whenever they hear "Imagine" blaring out from the same busker everyday. Meanwhile, I keep my eyes focused on the pavement.. 

The Shift

The earth is shifting, bending and stretching to adjust herself and if the Gaia theory holds true, we need to practice love and lightness, and that includes using her materials wisely. When we ascend from this earth plane, we will take nothing with us and so it is essential that we learn the importance of traveling lightly before this accent occurs. When you look around you in Western society there are various channels that will try to deceive you from remembering who we are. One of the major cogs in the wheel of this systemic globalization is advertising. Advertising leads to consumerism, which leads to distraction and surrendering to false gods. Two major false gods people are conditioned to believe they cannot live without are money and oil.

Gas prices currently stand at $1.30 per liter in Canada, have have risen over 7 percent since last year. The need for individual transportation has created strain on both our pocket books as well as the environment. Most food products sold in supermarkets arrive in huge transport trucks and ironically enough, we are paying for product that could easily be grown locally and simply here in our own communities. Much of the products we buy have an unnecessary shelf life of at least 5to 10 years and are not biodegradable, further creating more waste. These products include cosmetic items and processed foods. Processed foods have no life in them and instead of
increasing light vibrations the chemicals and cancer causing agents block energy flow.

More and more we are returning full circle back to the great orb that holds us in her womb. We are discovering that we are not compromising ourselves when making decisions to live simply.
I predict that over the next few years as the earth changes continue to occur communal forms of transportation will continue to advance as people become more aware and responsible. This is not only practical, it is also inevitable since our Oil Reserves Will run out. This will cause global unrest for a time, but will be a possible shift in that it will signify the death of the corporation and political ideology as people will focus on self reliance and community outside of the system. As well, we will realize the economical health benefits of eating simple whole grains and local vegetables, using animal meat sparingly. Many people will return to the land and once again, reconnect with our mother and this will be the great shift as we prepare for our ascent into the light.